Dear My Best Friend
by mesmerizedbyceruleaneyes
Summary: Onesided Mischief - SaekiXFuji - and Perfect Pairs. Saeki knows that Fuji will never be his, but that doesn't mean that he can't love Fuji anyway. Songfic: Song by TegoMass of NEWS. Rated high T.


**Dear My Best Friend**

The phone rang. Rolling over, Saeki grabbed it from the table and glanced at the caller ID. He sighed. "Fuji."

"You always sound so depressed when I call," commented his best friend. "Can you open the door for me?"

"Why can't you ring the doorbell like a normal person?" grumbled Saeki, crawling up from the floor to get the door as he dropped the phone onto the table.

Fuji smiled up at him. "Since when was I normal? Besides, calling your phone is so much more personal than ringing the doorbell."

The smile was one Saeki knew very well. So cheerful on the surface, yet when you looked closer, you saw the cracks, the fragility, the evidence that it had been broken and would be again. Every time he opened the door for Fuji, this was the smile he saw.

The former Rokkaku fukubuchou shook his head at his best friend's idiosyncrasies. "Well, come on in, then."

_~I love you so much__ that I cannot sleep_

_This small love that will never be_

_It's because of you; it is all because of you_

_I hide deep in my futon~_

"So, how's life?" inquired Saeki, digging around the cupboard for something edible.

"Oh, the same," Fuji replied airily. "I just got back from Germany."

Back still to the brunette, Saeki frowned. Germany. That meant Tezuka. It seemed that Fuji still hadn't given up.

Fuji was in love with Tezuka, to the point of obsession. Normally Saeki wouldn't have been particularly worried, since he wasn't involved in any way. However, Tezuka was homophobic, equally obsessively so, which meant plenty of problems for Fuji in his quest to get together with Tezuka. It was merely a question of whose obsession was stronger.

Seven years had passed since Fuji had first confessed to Tezuka. Neither had budged since then.

The last year of middle school, three in high school, and the past three in university, all spent in their battle of wills. Fuji was determined to make Tezuka love him. Tezuka was equally determined that he would never have a male lover. Saeki watched them both and could only wonder at their perseverance.

At present, Fuji was in a US university, Tezuka studying in a German one. Saeki himself remained in Japan, though he had moved to Tokyo for his university studies. Fuji travelled between the three countries almost every month. Saeki, who hated flights, could not understand how his best friend's mind worked, but never questioned too deeply. His own role in Fuji's life was clearly defined. He was there for the sole purpose of caring for the brunette.

Finding two packets of instant ramen, he straightened from where he had been grubbing in the cupboard. "Bad flight?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Nope, I'm used to it already." Fuji chuckled softly. "It's actually getting better nowadays, because they give frequent flyer points and since I fly so often I get upgraded quite easily."

"Really." Saeki glanced over to where the brunette was seated at the tiny table in the middle of the studio apartment. "Hey, I only have tonkotsu flavour. That okay?"

"Sure. I brought my own wasabi," said his best friend, smiling brightly. "I have a whole supply for when I'm in America and in Germany."

"Smart," quipped the other man. He could not help but smile back at that cheerful face.

_~That profile of yours is so bright_

_As if I can never reach you_

_I try to forget you, I must forget you, but I cannot_

_But the love overflows my heart~_

Before long, they were sitting down to their dinner of tonkotsu-flavoured instant ramen. It was cheap and unhealthy, perhaps, but good enough for two hungry university students. They applied themselves to the meal, not talking. Talk wasn't necessary; finishing the ramen before it cooled was. Saeki didn't even wince when Fuji added a generous measure of wasabi to the noodles. It was a sight he had become used to years ago.

Fuji cleared up as Saeki spread his futon. The single tatami room allowed the dining and living area to be used as a bedroom without having to allocate space for a bed. The brunette pushed the tiny table they had used earlier to the side and crawled onto the futon as his host brought out the blankets.

Despite his claims to being accustomed to flights, no human could escape jetlag. Saeki could see the tiredness in the muscles around his best friend's eyes. "Are you sure about this?" he asked, putting the blankets down to one side rather than dumping them onto the futon as he had originally intended. "I can get a sleeping bag –"

"No need." Fuji turned his smile on him. "Every time, you ask the same thing, even though you know I always say no."

Saeki pressed his lips together tightly, before saying, "There's a first time for anything."

Fuji's smile didn't change. "Come on, Saeki."

Sighing, the taller man acquiesced. He knew, and he knew Fuji knew, that he could never win against the brunette.

Because he was in love with his best friend.

_~Please tell me if there is an end_

_To the unrequited love that I am feeling for you_

_I want you to realize my love for you_

_This love that is irreversible~_

When had it started? Saeki didn't quite remember. Perhaps it had been the first time that Fuji had shown up outside his door, very much like he had today. Except that on that first day, Fuji had been crying, blue eyes over-bright with the treacherous salty liquid.

Of course, Saeki had let him in at once, demanding to know what was wrong. The brunette had refused to say anything, only clung tightly to him, crying silently into his chest. When Saeki had asked whether he could help, how he could help, Fuji had kissed him.

Was that when it started? That had been four years ago, in their last year of high school, and Saeki had still been living in the house the Fuji brothers used to come and play in. The former fukubuchou of the Rokkaku team had been shocked, to say the least. But this was his best friend, his oldest friend, the person that had been beside him since almost before he could remember. This was Fuji Syuusuke. Saeki Kojirou could not say no, not to him. Then and now, that had not changed.

Comforting Fuji had quickly morphed from the duty of a best friend to something less pure, something more selfish. Saeki wanted the brunette, wanted to hold and touch and kiss and love him. He knew that Fuji was in love with Tezuka, not him, but even that obstruction could not stop him from falling deeper and deeper in love with his best friend.

He knew that Fuji only wanted comfort, reassurance that he was worth loving after the emotional abuse he received in his pursuit of Tezuka. Constant denial and dismissal, being ignored, being pushed aside by the person one loves would wear away at even the most superhuman determination. Fuji came to Saeki because he knew that Saeki would cherish him and love him as Fuji needed – as humans needed – on their deepest level of being.

Now, with their heated breaths mingling, Fuji's body pressed against his own, Saeki's lips on the brunette's hair, neck, fingers, the fact that Fuji loved Tezuka and not him was not important. What was important was that he had his best friend here, under him, around him, even loving him. He would not, could not give this up.

_~"Are you alright? Does something bother you?"_

_You asked me one day with a worried face_

_It's because of you; it is your fault –_

_But I hid everything under the table~_

Surprisingly, Fuji was still there when Saeki woke up, curled under the tangled covers, fast asleep. The brunette normally left before Saeki was awake, quietly as the wind, as though he had never been there. He rarely stayed longer than a day. Concerned – what if he missed a morning flight? – Saeki reached out to shake his best friend awake, but paused an inch away from the blanket-swathed shoulder. Fuji looked so peaceful, his face somehow naked, without its usual mask of a smile. Saeki felt a prickle of emotion, perhaps shock, perhaps sadness, perhaps both. When had Fuji started to wear that mask, even in front of his best friend?

He moved his outstretched hand instead to Fuji's cheek, gently tracing it. _I love you, Syuusuke._

He had never called his best friend by his first name. It started out as a habit The older Fuji brother was always 'Fuji' rather than 'Syuusuke' and the younger always 'Yuuta' rather than 'Fuji', partly to avoid confusion and partly because they had been introduced to each other as 'Fuji' and 'Saeki', which stuck. After the sudden change in their relationship – at least on Saeki's part – he continued to call the brunette 'Fuji' to remind himself that this person was out of his reach, someone he could love but could never ask to be loved by.

He had also never once told Fuji that he loved him. He was afraid that if he did, the brunette would distance himself from him, and even these infrequent meetings would be gone. His best friend, his love, would be gone.

He would never tell him.

_~Your gentle words and _

_Your bent head, flushed cheeks_

_I want to tell you, yet I cannot, I must not_

_I tremble deep in my heart~_

Fuji stirred under the touch, eyes flickering open. Saeki caught a glimpse of brilliant cerulean before the eyelids shut again, closing him off. "Saeki… I…"

"You overslept, I think," said the other man. "Do you have a flight this morning?"

The brunette's forehead crinkled as he tried to remember. "No… I don't think so." His head tilted anxiously towards Saeki. "Is it okay, if I stay a bit longer? My flight's in the afternoon."

"That's fine. It's Sunday, after all, so I'm not going to the university." Saeki didn't want to look away from Fuji just yet. Even with a sheet wrinkle pressed into his cheek and his hair mussed from sleep, his best friend was beautiful.

_~It's just fine if there is no end_

_To this unrequited love I feel for you_

_I want to protect this feeling_

_Even though I'm someone who cannot do anything_

"Thanks, Saeki." Fuji, smiling, reached out. Saeki allowed the brunette to pull him over for a kiss.

When Fuji let him go, Saeki tried to put on his usual grin. It felt shaky. "What's this, you didn't have enough last night?"

The brunette chuckled. "It's already late morning, Saeki. That was a thank-you kiss for my best friend."

"Funny, isn't it?" Saeki forced a laugh as he sat up, not looking Fuji. "We're best friends who screw each other silly. I don't think there's anybody else like us."

Fuji sat up as well. "That's why I think I'm really lucky to have a best friend like you, Saeki. You even cheat on your girlfriend for me."

"I don't have one," replied Saeki, making sure his back was firmly turned. "Even if I did, I don't think she'd forgive me for sleeping with my best friend." _Because no normal person would sleep with his best friend, especially if they're both guys!_

"Really? But you're really good-looking. I was sure you'd have a girlfriend by now. The Tokyo girls must be blind," Fuji remarked.

Saeki bit his lip, restraining himself from clenching his fists so that Fuji wouldn't notice his distress. _I don't have a girlfriend because I'm in love with YOU! _he shouted silently in his mind. Aloud, he said, "It comes from living in a gigantic city like this. Us small-town kids, now, we have good eyes."

"And that's how I managed to pick out such an amazing best friend," said Fuji, clearly amused. "Do you have anything to eat for breakfast, or are we going out?"

"I'll check." As Saeki went to the kitchen area to rummage for food, he berated himself. _Girlfriend! Why did _that_ come up? I wish I could just tell him straight out that I love him. I _love_ him. I don't care if he doesn't love me in return. I just don't want to continue hiding behind this_ best friend_ façade. I hate living a lie._ He sighed inwardly. _But I don't have to lose him either…_

"Nothing worth eating," he declared. "Let's go out. Any particular request as to where we go?"

"I'm not as familiar with Tokyo as I used to be," commented Fuji. "You decide."

Saeki winked at the brunette. "Right then, after we eat, we're going to tour Tokyo. Re-familiarize yourself with the area."

_~What if I just told you everything?_

_But then I'll never be able to see you smile again..._

_So I'll watch you from here_

_I don't mind if that is all I can do~_

The few hours they had before Fuji had to leave for the airport passed far too quickly. Saeki managed to keep up his act of best friend, squashing multiple impulses to kiss the brunette – over breakfast, at the park, getting ice cream – in the process. That was not to say it was not difficult. It was. But all it took was the reminder that he might lose Fuji forever if he tried to be more than a best friend to make him stamp on those urges.

Somewhere along the way, they got to the subject of Tezuka. Saeki probed as gently as possible, knowing that Fuji was still touchy about the issue and rarely if ever mentioned his pursuit of Tezuka aloud. "I wonder if Tezuka will still become a pro tennis player," he commented offhandedly as they rode the train. "I hear he's studying business now."

"He's a member of the university tennis club," said Fuji. "But I don't think it's as competitive as our Nationals. University students spend more time partying than playing sports, from what I've seen."

The brunette seemed to be in a good mood, so Saeki probed further. "Still no luck?" he ventured.

Blue eyes flashed as Fuji glanced sharply at the taller man, but closed again almost before Saeki realized that they had ever opened. "No."

"I really admire your perseverance," said Saeki, hoping he wasn't pushing his luck too far.

"The process is as important as the result," stated the brunette. Standing, he added, "I think this is our stop. We'd better get off."

The subject was clearly closed. Saeki watched the brunette's receding figure for a moment, feeling dejection rush over him.

_~It's just fine if there is no end_

_To this unrequited love I feel for you_

_I want to protect this feeling_

_Though I still cannot do anything~_

Saeki had been too easy.

That was the problem. That was why Fuji did not, would not love him. Fuji wanted a challenge. He chose Tezuka, knowing that it would be difficult to win the prize. Fuji did not want the ripe fruit to fall into his waiting palm – he wanted to plant the seed, watch the seedling grow, care for it and raise it into a flourishing tree before eating its fruits.

Saeki kicked himself for not realizing it sooner. It was so obvious, yet he'd never noticed. Why else would Fuji put himself through all this trouble to win one man when he could have just about anyone else he might have wanted? He wanted something that was hard to win, something that required effort. It was something to do with how he, as the genius, found anything and everything easy. Challenges were few and far between. He did not want someone who would jump at once into his lap. He wanted someone he had to work for, because it made the end that much sweeter.

_~Please tell me if there is an end_

_To the unrequited love I feel for you_

_I want you to realize my love for you_

_This love that is irreversible~_

An ANA plane was taking off. Was it Fuji's? Saeki's eyes followed it as it roared upwards and across the sky, shrinking into a mere dot against the bright afternoon sky.

Fuji would never be his, but that didn't mean Saeki would stop loving him.

"I'll be waiting for you to come back," he whispered in the direction of the fast-disappearing plane. However, the wind from a second plane's departure whipped his words away and forced him to close his eyes.

When he opened his eyes again, Fuji's plane was gone.

**OWARI**

**A/N: This plot bunny popped into my head when I was in London watching the crack OVA ep Prince of Yakiniku when Yuushi called Saeki 'pointlessly gorgeous'. I just had to write something for Saeki and, well, this is what happened. O.o somehow I always start out with the intention of writing fluff and it comes out as a huge angsty monster. T.T**

**Song here is Kataomoi no Chiisana Koi (****片想いの小さな恋****which is basically 'Small, Unrequited Love') by NEWS's Tegomass. Though in this case I guess small isn't quite the right adjective. Ah well, that couldn't be helped. The rest of the lyrics kinda fitted in with the story.**

**I wrote this songfic also because my first songfic Ring on Your Finger seemed to have gone down very well. Unfortunately the same first/second person POV that I used for that one didn't feel quite right here (sigh), so it's the normal third person POV, though obviously it's skewed towards Saeki's perspective. :-X**

**I hope the characters weren't too OOC or bitchy (Fuji), whiny (Saeki) and stupid (Tezuka). I'm not as happy with this fic as I should be – I spent four freaking hours on it! O.O When I'm supposed to be working on the next chapter of Seven Days! –shot– Anyways, I'd really appreciate your opinions on how I can improve, in whatever area of writing.**

**Please ****review**** and give me your feedback and comments!**


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